He describes it simply and well; it hit home. I am embarrassed sometimes by my reluctance, often inability, to take time off. I would rather work. I suspect it will appear that I want to seem virtuous. Not at all, quite the contrary. It is a completely selfish dedication to doing what gives me peace. I learned about how it feels to be totally delivered unto the task at hand when I was seventeen years old and I was carving an unborn child from marble. See About the Bliss of Art for that story. Now in my waning years this compelling focus delivers me from the slings and arrows of the day. I read the newspaper in the morning and am endlessly amazed by the constant reports of misery and tragedy. It is difficult to ignore the lives of others. Of course, there is too, always the threat of disaster striking close. And in a not terribly eventful and blessed life as mine there are lists of things to do, calls to make, obligations one is remiss in dealing with.
But, oh the joy of submerging into the struggle of a painting! This blue here? That line more prominent? More space between these elements? Decisions requiring attention, problems that have a solution because they are about choices I can make. I am in charge. It matters little that I often grapple to weariness to get it all right. It is not about life or death. It is about just my life.
The image above is Yellow-Green ©2010, Giclée Print, size varies. For information or to purchase any of the paintings on this site, please email Joan.
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I feel that way about writing. I feel lazy about almost everything else. Writing doesn't feel like work, so I feel guilty when it's all I want to do. Well, that and photography too.
ReplyDeleteYellow-Green is beautiful, the texture is brilliant. It fits my thoughts today, which are about my mom. Yellow and green were her favorite colors, together.
In my family and in my time (I came of age in the fifties), we learned that it was our job as women to take care of people. I still like doing that. Now when I turn off my phone I feel the pang of guilt and have to remind myself that my kids, who are now middle-aged, don't need me to be always available. It's not easy to enjoy the quiet solitude required to wallow in the obsession, but I have gotten pretty good at doing it. Most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI love all your paintings: you do it up beautifully.
ReplyDeleteJonathan Franzen shouldn't dismiss "blowing off a work day." If his novels become any more self-obsessed readers will need therapy to just to get through them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Terry. I never tire of praise. I believe there is something of the performer in those of us that practice any of the arts. Applause is the major reward.
ReplyDeleteGordon, I am about 20% into "Corrections" and not ready to have an opinion. I will take your view with me as I continue to read. Self obsessed, you say? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteI checked your blog and chose "Murder in Amsterdam" to get on my next trip to the library. Now I am curious to see if we can agree on book.
Cees Noteboom is my current favorite. I haven't read better travel writing anywhere.
ReplyDeleteI’m not much of a traveler, but your man might be good as the armchair variety. I looked for him in the H.C. library catalogue and failed to find him.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I’m finding Franzen unpleasant. I’ve canceled the other book by him that I had reserved. And I’ve been wanting to ask you: aren’t most artists “self obsessed?” Isn’t that what “self expression” is about? Actually, I have only a vague notion of what either of those terms means.
In Haiku poetry it's considered vulgar to talk directly about yourself. I'd say self-obsession simply marks a writer as a bore. The writer's responsibility is to be transparent; the better to bring the reader into the narrative. In the stories of Paul Bowles one finds few quotable lines but the narrative is riveting. James Joyce's "Dubliners," a collection of short stories written before he became a showoff, is utterly transparent, like watching a film.
ReplyDeleteIf I want navel-gazing angst, I'll watch Oprah.
Thank you. I don't think I've read anything by Bowles. I have put him on my list. I read "Dubliners" when I was very young. I am sure that if I go back to it now, it will be a good re-visit. It goes on the list also.
ReplyDeleteMy reading is mostly recreational so anything you mention in the way of fine fiction will be welcomed.
Bowles can be shocking, but his writing is superb. I recommend his collected stories, set in Morocco, Mexico and India and his astonishing novel "The Sheltering Sky." Equally good: Joan Didion, Annie Proulx and V.S. Naipaul ("A Bend in the River," "The Mystic Masseur.")
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